Catching up with Pagliacci and Traviata

Happy New Year to all! It’s been several months since my last posting; I’m a busy woman, y’all, can’t help it! But it’s been a very good time for me, with two roles and time off to be with family yet again.

In November I made yet another role debut as Nedda in Pagliacci. I’ve been wanting to sing that role for ages! Our director really did a great job of exploring the relationships between all of the characters, and the dynamics involved in them. No stereotypical role playing here, we were truly real people conveying real emotions that the audience responded to. For such a short opera (about 70 minutes long with all traditional cuts in place), it packs a wallop of drama. And I have to tell you, I loved playing a woman who is different from the women I normally portray, e.g. courtesans, noblewomen, ingénues, and the occasional scorned woman (Santuzza) or flower embroiderer (Mimi). Nedda was so much more like me in many ways: doing her best in a very difficult situation, eager to always put on a good show no matter what was going on offstage, and wanting to break free and follow her heart to wherever it took her, as well as a fighting spirit. Can’t wait to sing that wonderful role again!

After the show closed I went home for three weeks, happy in the knowledge that it would be the last time I would have to “visit home”, since I am moving back there this June after I complete my residency. Spent the holidays with friends and family, worked on my roles in La traviata and Faust, and just rested in the glorious weather of South Florida. And then came back to dive right into La traviata.

Okay, now for a little confession: For those who know me well and my views singing, I do believe in Fach. I truly see it as a valuable tool in understanding how an individual voice will sing in certain roles. I feel that it is good to know what your basic Fach will be or is, so that you are knowledgeable in the repertoire that you will sing for the duration of your career. Of course, there are always exceptions, as well as roles that are Zwischenfach designated, and those assoluta roles that every soprano desires to tackle. That being said and admitted, here we come to me, a true lirico spinto soprano, singing Violetta Valery.

I was hesitant at first, very much so. When I was told that she would be one of my roles the next season, I immediately called my teacher and spoke with him about it. Oscar is someone who is very much old school when it comes to Fach, yet even he said that he felt it would be a good role for me, that singing it would access colors in my voice that I have not yet been able to truly utilize, and that it would help keep my voice young and agile. He told me to trust that it would all work out well. So we began work on it over the summer when I was home, and from the beginning, Oscar was confident that not only would I sing it beautifully, but of all my roles for this season, it would be my best. Oscar had the confidence that I was somewhat shaky on, and the grace to allow me to come to convince myself of it. And you know something? He was right. I have fallen in love with singing Violetta, and it has been so good for my voice and technique. I have never felt more secure in technique than in Violetta, and it will carry over into my next role, Marguerite, and in all my future roles. Even having to sing it at 11:30 in the morning for my final dress was trial by fire, and I passed!

Not only the singing aspect of Violetta that I am pleased about, but also the dramatic aspect as well. She’s so much more than a courtesan, she has so much heart and soul, a wonderful sense of nobility, grace, honesty, and intelligence. She has a wisdom that belies her young years and her station in life, and she is head and shoulders above the people around her – not because of her power as a courtesan or her riches or beauty, but because she can see beyond what people want and see what they truly need. I would have been proud to be her friend, a woman like that who lived as honestly as she could for the times that she was in.

What a Difference a Season Makes...

I sit in my room in my parents’ house, writing this post, lying in bed on my last night of vacation home in Florida. I’ve been here since literally the first day of August, arriving from San Jose after what was a season of more drama that would rival the Ring Cycle. It was not only a month of continuing role prep for Pagliacci, Traviata, and Faust, but also a time to decompress.

Actually, I really needed an entire summer off, but you take what you can get, right?

Now, to recap, I had an amazing opening of both Anna Karenina and Tosca. My first two professional major leading roles and the reviews were consistently good, I sang and acted my buns off, and worked with super colleagues. Should have been the most exciting time of my life…and yet, it wasn’t.

See, that kind of high can only be dampened by three things: death of an immediate family member, personal serious illness, or the end of a long-term relationship. I was “fortunate” enough to endure the third event.

But to say it ended would be understating things. It didn’t end so much as it imploded spectacularly. And none of it was amicable; in fact, most of what happened you’d find in one of those telenovellas that my grandma loves to watch. Of course, what those characters on those shows don’t have to experience is the relationship demise and drama from 3000 miles away. Over the phone. And by email and text. During two of the most demanding roles I sing. Meanwhile, everyone I love that could help get me through this had to do so from three time zones away. I don’t think my mom spent so much time on the phone with me as she did this season, something like four to five calls a week. Because our private plane was always in the shop, you know.

Without going into detail, I can say while not sugarcoating things: it was bloody rough. Every new secret discovered, every new lie exposed chipped away at me. At times I felt I was being ripped in two and suffocating from all the pain, mentally and psychologically lost, and almost a shell of myself; and all the while I had to maintain the most professional demeanor I could muster while working. It was essential, as my colleagues were counting on me, as were the audience and company, but most of all, I was counting on myself to do what I always set out to do: give a great performance. What’s lucky for singers is that, during periods of extreme pain and sadness, we can channel that energy into our work. You can bet I was grateful for that during my first two productions, and it got easier by the third and final one of the season. Something else that I benefitted from greatly was therapy. I’m here to tell you, right now, that the stigma of therapy is 100% Grade-A bullshit. I’m serious. Without that therapy to give me a sounding board in figuring out logically and rationally what I needed to do to get through it all and come out on the other side stronger, better, and happier, I wouldn’t be where I am. You can infer whatever you want from that last bit, and you’d be right, whatever you came up with.

I temporarily turned away from the Judaism faith that I've always found a home in. It wasn't because I didn't love it anymore, but rather because I was too lost to have the same faith I normally have. G-d and I had some epic arguments in those times, I don't mind telling you.

In any relationship, whether married or living together, when it’s over, all you have left is the history that you built with someone. Years of beautiful and painful memories, unfulfilled dreams, events that at the time that I didn’t see for what they really were, and the good times that did happen, that did make me smile and feel enveloped in love – whether that love was really solid or not. And it’s gut-wrenching to have to leave that behind, but I hope that, someday, perhaps sooner than later, I can build a history with someone new, a better, stronger, more unconditionally loyal, honest, and truly loving relationship.

So you’d think that that was enough of a difficult time. You’d be wrong…

Somewhere in the midst of that, I became physically ill. Stomach pains that I at first attributed to the usual “Did I eat something that was off?”, but then realized that I couldn’t think that when they were happening every single day at all hours. After running the gamut of tests, lo and behold: my gallbladder is kaput. So now we’ve got to get rid of that. Meaning major surgery. Never had that before, and doing it so far from home with literally no family around to joke about how silly I would be coming off the anesthesia was uncomfortable for me. Thank goodness I had amazing friends who looked after me right before and after the surgery, and also during my recovery.

So the tally now is that my personal life had gone in the shitter, and my health and followed in a swan dive. But I still had my career!

Oh wait…yeah, that was too easy. There was a brief period when my career was in doubt, and I didn’t know what my next option would or could be. A lot of scrambling about, mixed in with a healthy short dose of hysterics, followed by some initial planning, until everything resolved itself to a positive result, were the highlights of that episode in my life.

And yet, in all that mire, came some tremendous gifts. An amazing audition with a top-level company that I couldn’t have done without the help of a few special people. Then came my family’s visit for the last show of Boheme (the production and performances went very well, and for my first Mimi, I did a damn fine job, lol), coinciding with Mother’s Day. And after that, for the first time in my professional life, I made it into the finals of a major competition! And while I did not place, I won myself a special Wagner Prize for singing some serious Senta from Die fliegende Höllander. And that was all in the span of four weeks! I got to be a part of my best friend’s wedding against all scheduling odds, and enjoy the obligatory Guinness every now and then.

So you see why a LONG break was necessary, aside from all the work I needed to do vocally with Oscar. I had to emotionally and mentally detox in a safe and familiar environment, with the support of my family and friends. And I got it. And I had that support.

So then, what kind of season did I have, you may wonder? How would I sum it up? It was wonderful and depressing. It gave me intense pleasure and devastating pain. It made me scream with anger and shout for joy. I burned bridges that were dangerous and repaired old ones or formed new ones. I fell into an abyss but found the way out. I went through a war with several different battles, and some of the comrades that I thought were comrades abandoned me, but those who stayed protected my flank while I soldiered on, fighting like hell. I’m now a veteran of that time. I had traumas that were replaced with triumphs. For all the hurt that was thrown at me, I got back the power that I had all but given up. The battle scars have pretty much healed, except for a few grey hairs. I’m thankful to have survived it all, and ready for anything.

A New Year Brings a New Role and...other new stuff

Time flies when you’re on a little break! After Tosca closed successfully, it was time for this tired soprano to fly back southeast for the winter and have a restful holiday vacation at home. Without giving away too much (I have to keep some mystery about me, after all!), it was great to be home, see my family after almost six months, spend time with my friends, enjoy relatively mild weather (what was up with the cold spell, Florida?!), and drive the familiar headache roads of I-95, the Turnpike, and the ever-popular 826/Palmetto Expressway, which has been under construction since I was 10 years old. I’m 31 now…yikes. Even things like the radio stations I grew up listening to, going to get takeout at Pollo Tropical, driving through Little Haiti, or my favorite outlet mall where they have a French bakery that sells authentic brioche loaves – how I missed those! Despite the personal struggles I had to deal with concurrently during that time, it was hard as hell for me to leave, but that’s the life of a singer. Plus I’d already paid for the plane ticket.

Of course, I also spent that time working on music with my voice teacher, specifically my roles for next season: Nedda (Pagliacci), Violetta (La traviata), and Marguerite (Faust). Can you say "monster-fricking season"? The most work was spent on Violetta, as I’m not a dramatic coloratura and so I have to pull out some serious technical magic in order to sing it, mainly to sing the first act. I have a new appreciation for the sopranos who have mastered singing that first act aria; not that I didn’t have it before, but even more so now that I am tackling it. But I’ve never met a challenge I couldn’t rise to, whether right away or eventually, and Violetta is no exception! Nedda and Marguerite lie perfect in my voice, and so those will be an easy sing for me. I especially am excited about singing Nedda, as I’ve always imagined the character way younger than she’s typically played: a teenager in a highly abusive marriage with a sociopath, coming into her own physically and discovering real love for the first time. Hopefully the director will give some leeway to allow me to play some of the character that way, and not as the sexpot conniving wife I’ve usually seen.

When I got back to San Jose, they started rehearsals for The Barber of Seville, and since there isn’t a role for me in it, I ended up doing a school program with another not-cast-in-Barber resident, where we helped a group of fifth-grade kids create their own opera using music from the standard operatic repertoire. We shared to duties for the most part, though I primarily staged the show. I felt that my talents lay best in directing and that my partner would be the better conductor (he’s REALLY good), and in the it all came together and looked and sounded pretty good. I think I’ve been bit by the stage directing bug…

Now that Barber is over, we’re into rehearsals for La boheme. Our director, Ms Timothy Near, is primarily a theatre director, and she has staged two operas for OSJ in the past (The Crucible and Lucia di Lammermoor). Her direction style allows us as singing actors to move and behave more organically onstage, and I’m really appreciating how she envisions the Bohemians and the women in their lives. For those of you who will come see the show, don’t expect a shy, demure wallflower Mimi…and that’s all I can say without giving it away!

Back to the directing bug: I’ve been bitten by not only that, but also the theatre acting bug. Anna Karenina started it for me, and it’s kind of spiraled into a desire to finish my BA in something other than music, like acting with a focus on stage direction. It occurred to me during a health situation that something could happen to me that could end my singing. I know some may say I shouldn’t think that way, but in my business you have to. Those vocal folds may be incredibly resilient, but they are also incredibly fragile, and as they are located in our bodies (not like a musical instrument that you pack away in a case), they are of course subjected to whatever our bodies are subjected to. And let’s not get into if I was not able to physically withstand the demands of my profession. So it got me thinking: how could I stay involved in opera actively if I couldn’t be the performing on the stage?

LIGHTBULB!

I can direct! With my intimate knowledge of having performed operatic roles, how best to stage singers properly to ensure that they can always be heard/seen, preventing the staging from interfering with singing the music, how to successfully deal with conductors, etc, it would be easy for me to make the transition. However, I never do anything halfway, and personally I would prefer to study the art of theatre and stage direction before I attempt to stage a professional opera. So I spoke briefly with Timi Near about schools in California that have a positive reputation for their drama programs, and she recommended a couple in southern California: University of California Irvine, and University of San Diego. And since as of this summer I will be able to establish residency in California if I choose, I could hopefully pay a lower tuition rate than if I was out of state. I’ve got a ton of research to do on the programs, as well as visiting both campuses, but if I can make it happen while still pursuing the operatic career, it’s a win-win.

Or, to quote Mr Charlie Sheen, “WINNING!”

Parla! Guardami! Son Tosca, o Scarpia!

It's official: I've sung my first Tosca! The Saturday night opening went very well, the cast sounded really good, orchestra was on fire, and the audience was mesmerised. I'm so proud of my colleagues, we really pulled off a beautiful show. I've never experienced an audience so appreciative that it required four curtain calls at the end of the night. Bravi tutti! There are six more performances left, three for each cast, so if you're in the Bay Area or will be for the next two weeks, get out here and see both casts, it's a fantastic show!

I've loved Tosca from the moment that I heard those first opening chords as a chorister singing with Florida Grand. The fact that it begins not with an overture, or even on a lighter note, but immediately with the crash and thunder of the terrible events to come (in the form of Baron Scarpia), reminded me of the first notes of Puccini's other grand opera masterpiece, Turandot. You just know what's around the corner, and I always hoped someday to be singing this amazing character someday soon - everything Puccini wrote for her as well as for is some of the best music to sing in opera. He really got down to the heart of the character from the Sardou play, and injected all of it into these vocal colours and shades which draw not just the audience, but the singers and orchestra into it as well. I am truly privileged to sing this music!

The first review for my cast (the other cast had their opening matinee the day after ours) has come out, and it's a generally good review for everyone involved. For myself personally, it's the review that I expected for my first time out in this role, and it's a good thing. As a young singer performing in her second professional role, another in a series of firsts, I'm doing pretty darn well. It's a shock to people when I tell them that this is only my second role professionally, and that it's my first season with the company. I suppose they're more used to seeing singers start in a different place and grow from there, and I understand that. I have been blessed to have been exquistely prepared by my teacher Oscar, and also to have gotten my stage training and experience with FGO for nine seasons - it's paying off in dividends for me out here. Of course I have so much more to learn and time to mature...but I'm confident that I'm off to a great start.

And in the end...of the opera production Anna Karenina

And so it ends: this past Sunday was our final performance of Anna Karenina at Opera San Jose. To say that we pulled it off is an understatement; we brought about a miraculous, marvelous, and lush production. The opera had only been performed two other times, once in Miami at Florida Grand Opera, and once at Opera Theatre of Saint Louis. OSJ had actually wanted to premiere this piece on the West Coast for their 2007-2008 season, but after the stock market went more south than a bad blind date, they shelved the idea until this season. And I personally believe that it worked out to their favour – with all the new operas and/or premiere productions of never-performed operas having been done this past season, it was a good climate to take a chance.

I have to say, it was not an easy process for me. Coming from a non-conservatory background, learning the score took a very long time. It’s full of constanty-changing tempi, changing keys, and rhythms that required logarithms and a background in calculus – or, at least, that’s what it felt like for me. There was a point where I had the “Oh G-d, can I really pull this off?” because the fear of the importance of the score and the production were very real and apparent to me enough to disturb my sleep cycle. So what did I do? I scheduled extra coachings, spent every waking moment that didn’t involve the basic needs of living with a metronome speaking the libretto in rhythm, and singing it so much that I’d wake up in the middle of the night half-singing the score. By the time we reached the staging process, I was getting more and more confident – I had, in fact, taken a turn for the best. The truth is, I knew it all along, I just needed to tap into some confidence and stop thinking so damn hard and just sing what already was in my body. Once I did that…POW!

I even made a great impression on composer David Carlson, who was very happy with my performance, and the performance of everyone in general. Nothing like singing for a living composer and his being impressed by you. Maybe he’ll think about writing that opera about Elizabeth Bathory that I suggested…

The reviews for my cast have been awesome, and I can understand why. Our group had this sort of instant connection, a very real familial-type relationship. We played off of each other so well, and our instincts more often than not were in sync. To have sung my first professional leading role with these folks…I’ve been quite lucky. We started our run of performances on a great note, and by the time we got to the last performance, we were on such a high it was literally depressing to have it end. Thankfully, I get to work with most of these folks again in Tosca.

And no, it doesn’t hurt to have gotten those good reviews, but it never changed my performances. The thing about reviews is, no matter how good or bad they are, the only thing that matters is how you feel about your singing, and how the Powers That Be feel about your performance. Reviews give you a high (or sometimes a low), but they won’t get you work. That takes talent, drive, ambition, confidence, hard work, maturity, and a good sense of self-responsibility, which all fold into a wonderful performance that gets your name to the right people, which keeps you singing.

Having the love of my life, Guillaume, out there for that last performance was just incredible. He, more than anyone except my voice teacher, knew what trials I had been through before getting this fantastic opportunity with OSJ. He really liked the show, and he was so proud of me. Without his support, both emotional and financial, I most likely wouldn’t have come as far as I have. This career path is expensive before it is lucrative, and that’s the G-d honest truth. And singing it on my birthday? Yeah, definitely in the top five best birthday presents EVER.

What’s interesting is that, despite coming from basically the ether in terms of no one knowing who I was before I stepped out onto the stage for my first notes, and OSJ taking a very large risk on an untapped, unknown singer, that I had the tools to deliver. And I cannot claim the credit for that, because that belongs with my voice teacher, Oscar Diaz. Without him taking me under his wing and making my voice/gift into what it is today, I wouldn’t be able to even sing for a church job! With Oscar, it’s about creating beautiful singing, not creating the next stars of tomorrow. He’s not interested in being a king-maker, but that in no way means he wouldn’t support a student of his who wants a career in opera. He doesn’t need to use his connections (of which he has so many) to get his students work; he lets their voice and talent do that. His genuine humility, care, patience, love of all his students shows whenever we perform or audition anywhere. Another thing that I find makes him a master technician and voice teacher is the fact that he is a true vocal pedagogue. He has such an immense knowledge and understanding of not just the style of bel canto singing, but how the mechanism of the voice works, how the body affects it, etc. He can tell, from either the first 3 minutes to after a couple of voice lessons what type of voice a potential singer is, and what Fach they are most likely to or already are in. He knew right away that I was not, as previously thought, a lyric coloratura, but a lirico spinto, who would sing all the great Puccini and Verdi operas. And that’s how he taught me. Today, because of him, I am at the great beginnings of a wonderful career with the right tools of the trade and the solid foundation he helped me build. I will continue to sing his praises until my last breath is taken.

So now, with Anna Karenina happily and safely put to bed, I work on Tosca, which, musically for me will be like a vacation next to the beautiful monster of Anna K. It’s going to be quite the kick-ass show folks, so stay tuned!

Anna Karenina is My Life...and other things

For starters, I really, really apologise for not updating weekly the blog and my experiences at Opera San Jose. Honestly, I’ve been so busy with outreach, concerts, and preparations for Anna that I’m quite surprised I’ve even remembered that I haven’t updated in so long.

Since my last post, I’ve a total of six outreach and preview shows, three ensemble concerts, not to mention numerous coachings, music rehearsals, and stagings for Anna Karenina. It’s a massive show to stage, because of the way the scenes are set up. Things move very quickly from one scene to another without much of a break, and at times there are two or even three scenes happening simultaneously. Of all the singers, Anna and Levin have the most to sing, especially Anna. I cannot stress how challenging and intricate this role is – dramatically, emotionally, psychologically, and physically. Anna is on stage about 95% of the time, and that is completely new to someone like me.

I won’t lie, I wasn’t where I should’ve been when I started the coachings and music rehearsals. The music is so rhythmically and tonally on another level, that it takes numerous coachings and drilling to really get it into the body. Couple that with the staging, which is detailed to a very high degree, that one needs to be comfortable with the music so that the staging process doesn’t affect the memory. After two weeks of room stagings, including the four run throughs that we’ve done so far, I really have fallen in love with the piece, and have found a true connection with the score and the character. So much of Anna I really understand, and have even lived on one level or another, and I can then get into her when I perform.

It’s been a blessing to have the music staff that we have helping us singers make this work amazing. Between our wonderful coaches Veronika and Victoria, and our hardworking assistant conductor Bryan Nies, we residents are lucky. Simply put, lucky. And how awesome is it that I get to work with Stewart again, only this time on a much different level? The comfort level I have with him gives me the security to really let loose as a singer, all the while keeping in line with the piece.

As far as living in San Jose, I can tell you that I definitely like it. Oh, don’t get me wrong, there are things in Florida, aside from Guillaume, my pets, family, and good friends, that I miss. Like Pollo Tropical, for example. The annoying familiarity of I-95 and its constant traffic. The beaches of Fort Lauderdale. My weekly voice lessons with Oscar. You know, the little things that make home…well, home. But if I get another year out here? Yeah, I have no problem living the Bay Area for a while, none at all. There is work to be had out here, that’s for sure.

And now my brain hurts more than it did 30 minutes ago. Time to mentally check out and enjoy my day off tomorrow…short as it will be!

San Jose!

Well, it’s happened: I’ve sung my first event as a Principal Resident Artist with Opera San Jose. Four of us residents (Michael Dailey, Torlef Borsting, Silas Elash, and myself) sang pieces from three of our four upcoming season operas at the Willow Glen Library, which is quite a modern building in a town that looks like Mayberry (at least to this city girl). I opened with Vissi d’arte, then followed by Silas singing ‘A un dottor della mia sorte’ from Barber (with me as a stand-in Rosina for dramatic purposes – great fun!), then Torlef singing ‘Largo al factotum’, then Silas again with ‘Vecchia zimarra, senti’ from Boheme, and then Michael and I ending the show with ‘O soave fanciulla’, also from Boheme. Our MC was Larry Hancock, OSJ GM, Margot Helm from our Marketing Department was out to make sure we got…well, marketed, and Ms. Dalis was on hand to lend support, and of course, make sure we behaved, lol. A fun event and the room was quite packed; we even had some audience members standing in the back! A good performance, indeed. Tomorrow is the brunch/concert at Cetrella in Half Moon Bay, more singing and a free meal. All I know is, there better be a bar area with a TV, because there are three singers (myself included) who are very interested and invested in the outcome of the World Cup Finals.

I’ve been in San Jose for almost a week, and I must say: the lack of humidity, the proximity of downtown San Jose, and the relative calmness of the neighborhood is appealing to me. My new colleagues are friendly and fun, and my apartment is rather nice. It’s way at the back of the building, on the second floor, so it’s quiet and a bit large. I have, for the first time since I lived with my parents in North Miami, a window in my bathroom. Heavens to Murgatroid! Also, a gas stove, baby! For a serious cook such as myself, it’s so fun to cook on it – and with the cookware I bought (Calphalon, naturally), it’s quick and even cooking. There’s a weekly Farmers’ Market in downtown San Jose every Friday, and the produce there is amazing. Plus, I’m only an hour away from San Francisco and and hour and a half away from Napa Valley. Yeah, this foodie will be doing a massive amount of culinary exploration during her down time.

Don’t get me wrong: I miss home. I miss my babies, my family, my friends, and my Guillaume. But knowing everyone back home is supporting me and sending their love makes the distance a bit easier to manage. I’m definitely not unhappy here, and once we get down to the nitty gritty of working on Anna Karenina, I won’t even have time to be homesick.

Until next time, folks...